World Airways Commercial from 1985 starring George Burns

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Sunday, September 24, 2006

United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)

I'M JOINING.......

Our Government has finally seen the light!

United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)

Battle Cry - GET'R DONE!

Press Release:

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation
of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the
United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF) Arkansas,
Arizona, Georgia,Kentucky,Michigan, Mississippi,
Missouri,Oklahoma, Tennessee,Texas and West Virginia
boys will be dropped off into Iraq given only the
following facts about terrorists :

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don 't like beer, pickups, country music or
Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale
Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.

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Tuesday, September 12, 2006


Enjoy these images from the NY State Fair. For instance, I think that used to be a hot dog. But now it's just fair puke. How I love the fair. Posted by Picasa

scary fair ride Posted by Picasa

weird Posted by Picasa

creepy butter sculpture Posted by Picasa

Rapunzel (Jordan) and my midget slave (my niece destiny) Posted by Picasa

Mike and Evil Spawn (my nephew shane) Posted by Picasa

My last name all over there boobies! Posted by Picasa

Poor little dirty duck in the road Posted by Picasa

Deep Fried Twinkies Posted by Picasa

Fresh Squeezed Lemonade Posted by Picasa

Mike gets molested Posted by Picasa

Ferris Wheel Posted by Picasa

NY State Fair Midway at night Posted by Picasa

Rapunzel on a ferris wheel. Let her Down! Posted by Picasa

Hooters Smart Car in Landstuhl Germany. I kiss it! Posted by Picasa

Irony

For those of you confused about the definition of irony:

Irony: The theme from Schindler's List playing loudly in the lobby of a five star hotel in Kuwait City.

Welcome to my world.

Any questions?

e

Yet Another Reason I Love Ross

Okay kids, welcome to my world. And in my world it is yet another reason I love Ross time!

I love Ross BECAUSE...

He knows what speed the car must be going for optimum viewing of doggy head out of the window ear flapping.

He has, in fact, just informed me that the proper speed is 15-20 miles per hour.

Enjoy your day!

e

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

potato soup berry flavored tea

Red Berry Potato soup zinger tea. Mmmmm... NOT. I am
in Kuwait. I forgot I made instant potato soup in my
tea cuplast night. A perfectly poignant moment
spoiled by a potato. Ah well.

I hope your perfectly poignant moment lives on
uninterrupted by any man or vegetable.

be well.

e

Sunday, September 03, 2006

My So Called Life

This, my friends, is a disturbingly accurate picture
of my life delivered right to my email. So I give it
to you...

You know you are a flight attendant if:

1. You can eat a four course meal standing at the
kitchen counter
2. You search for a button to flush the toilet
3. You look for the "crew line" at the grocery store
4. You can pack for a two week trip to Europe in one
roll-aboard
5. All your pens have different hotel names on them
6. You NEVER unpack
7. You can recognize pilots by the backs of their
heads-but not by
their faces
8. You can tell from 70 yards away if a piece of
luggage will fit in
the
overhead bin
9. You care about the local news in a city three
states away
10. You can tie a neck scarf 36 ways
11. You know at least 25 uses for air sickness
bags-none of which
pertain to vomit
12. You understand and actually use the 24-hour clock
13. You own 2 sets of uniforms: fat and thin
14. You don't think in "months" - you think in "bid
packs"
15. You always point with two fingers
16. You get a little too excited by certain types of
ice
17. You stand at the front door and politely say,
"Buh-bye, thanks,
have a nice day" when someone leaves your home
18. You can make a sentence using all of the following
phrases:
"At this time," "For your safety," "Feel free," and
"As a reminder"
19. You know what's on the cover of the current issues
of In Touch,
Star, and People magazines
20. You stop and inspect every fire extinguisher you
pass, just to make
sure the "gauge is in the green"
21. Your thighs are covered in bruises from armrests
and elbows
22. You wake up and have to look at the hotel
stationery to figure out
where you are.
23. You refer to cities by their airport codes
24. Every time the doorbell rings you look at the
ceiling
25. You actually understand every item on this list

Saturday, September 02, 2006

I think Grandma Heaved all over my hotel room

I think Grandma Heaved all over my hotel room. Not
literally, kids, figuratively. Cause that would be
gross.

I am in this weird little hotel somewhere in the
English countryside. It's called the Smoke House.
That really doesn't sound a particularly pleasing name
for a hotel. Who likes smoke?

My room looks like somebodys grandma through up
flowers and doilies all over it! Not my grandma, of
course. She has much better taste! But someones! My
room is covered covered in flowers and the walls are
pee yellow. Mmmmm. NOthing says loving like urine
covered walls.

Now I am off to Leipzig where my hotel resembles a
Soviet Insane assylum off in a creepy field with
nothing around.

Gee my life is fabulous sometimes!

Peace out, yo!

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