World Airways Commercial from 1985 starring George Burns

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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

FADD: Flight Attendants Against Drunk Dating

FADD

Flight Attendants Against Drunk Dating

Because beer goggles are not a fashion accessory!



How many times have you been out and about and seen a silly gaggle of pretty girls talking animatedly with the local scumbag. And, if you were a guy, you thought, “Dude, what is wrong with the world. I am way cooler than that donkey testes! How can those fine young things not see it?”


Well I will tell you how. It's an insidious, evil, state of being that is often mis-credited as only a simple temporarily bad fashion disaster. But, you and I know better. It is so much more than that!! It is BEER GOGGLES!


Yes, ladies and gents, it is okay to shudder in shame. So many have fallen prey. SO many good men and women have a lovely night on the town only to wake the next morning and turn over to find CHEWBACA next to them! Oh the horror. The shame.


This is why I started FADD. Not for me. For all of us. So no one will ever have to wake up next to Chewbaca again. Unless of course that's what they're into.


(In which case, it must be said that Chewbaca need a little loving too. So get you're freak on, wild child! )


We all owe it to ourselves to join this organization.


We, together with the flight attendants of the world, can stop this horrible morning after tragedy. We can DO THIS!!


Together

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Things I have Learned, recently

Things I have learned, recently.



See ross? See Snarf on top of Ross's mama made, chocolate, 31st birthday cake? That is love. The best sort. Love comes in many forms. For Ross, the best forms sometimes include Snarf. That's why he is my favorite wierdest person on the entire face of the earth.



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Buildings should have walls. SOme in New Orleans still don't.


If you throw a bunch of crap in the street the street gets really really gross and dirty. (Early Mardi Gras season, New Orleans)
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Shannon has no boyfriend. She doesn't mind this in the least. But I must say, Shannon and Bat Man. It just works. Really.


Under no circumstances should you allow this to be done to you! Ever. Learn from this poor girls mistake. This is never good.


Mother Cluckers in New Orleans, LA. Only there.

This has to be the most confusing walk/do not walk sign I have ever seen. I nearly had an anxiety attack trying to decide whether to cross or not cross the street. Once again, only in New Orleans.

Desert Island, Maine


I Love Desert Island, Maine! Go there!



Desert Island, Maine
Roadtripping around The Quiet Side

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Desert Island, Maine
Shipwreck Trail




Views from the Shipwreck Trail
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Sunday, March 04, 2007

Things I have Learned This Week

Things I have Learned This Week


It is often said that life is all about learning and that the world is just a enormous classroom full of dunces, or some crap like that. I don't know if I believe that, as I try very hard not to believe in anything much. But if I did suddenly wake up with a sunny new perspective on all things “faith related” and suddenly developed a propensity to believe all sorts of stupid shit, I would be obligated to share with you what I had learned this week, right? I digress:


Things I have Learned This Week



Thing 1: When visiting a thrift store at a monastery that is staffed mostly by drug addicts (yes it's a treatment center) located next to a nun cemetery you probably shouldn't discuss where you live in detail. Of course, this came to me hours after said discussions.


Thing 2: When enjoying a coffee in said drug addict staffed, monastery thrift store and said drug addict calls You crazy, you probably are crazy. They would know, wouldn't they.


(What do you call a rock guitarist out side of rehab? HOMELESS!)


And yes, a drug addict guitarist told me that little gem of a joke! Who new drug addicts had such lovely senses of humor?


Thing 3: When said drug addict guitarist tells you that you are addicted to books and really need to interact with humans more often, he is probably right. He would know, wouldn't he?


Thing 4: Do not watch CSI Miami and try to eat, in the dark. Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! If ever there was a better diet aid, I don't know of it!


Thing 5: If you are a shitty singer on American Idol and you really don't want to get eliminated despite the fact that you suck, take slutty pictures of yourself and make sure that someone ex boyfriend leaks them to the internet!


(For that last one, I can't take the credit. For that little bit of wisdom we must thank Antonella Barba, the evil, talentless, satan spawn that has made me lose faith in the modern singer. And yes, I am a bit jealous.



Although I truly doubt it, (I am a disbelieving hater, after all) some small part of me hopes that I have enriched your lives, at least a little bit. Okay, okay, who am I kidding?


In any event,

e


Thursday, March 01, 2007

Syracuse Barbies

For those of you who don't know, I am originally from Syracuse NY. It doesn't matter that I haven't actually lived there for nearly ten years, Syracuse, NY is just one of those places that you never really get out of your system. Kind of like a virus.

Lately I seem to be inundated with email from my favorite Syracuseans about Syracuse. This particular little gem is so funny I just feel compelled to share it with you. Aren't you lucky!

This is for all the Syracuse girls and boys out there that read my blog on those rare occasions that I get around to updating it. And for those of you non Syracuse kids, consider this a valuable travel guide in case you one day choose to visit. It's alarmingly accurate.From the lips of Barbie herself:

Mattel recently announced the release of the improved limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Greater Syracuse market:
Manlius Barbie: This princess Barbie is sold only at Fayetteville Towne Center. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version. Manlius Barbie is easily exchanged, and occasionally mistaken for Skaneateles Barbie.


Baldwinsville Barbie: The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.


Northside Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.


Skaneateles Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.


Oswego Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.


Fulton Barbie: This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Oswego Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.



Westcott Street Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks , or combat boots with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Northside Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.


South Side Barbie: This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.


Salina Street Barbie/Ken: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.