World Airways Commercial from 1985 starring George Burns

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Friday, July 27, 2007

Wee! You can't catch me! I'll be in Paris

Wee! You can't catch me! I'll be in Paris!

Sorry, I just really couldn't resist. Once in a while my job just ROCKS! In the next week I will spend a miniscule amout of time in Paris and a whole heaping bit of it in Santa Monica.

Envy me. You know you want to. Screw that! Worship me! I am worthy.

peace out, my homefries!

Air Crew Humor

Southerners can be so polite!

Atlanta Air Traffic Control: "Tower to Saudi Air 911 -- You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R."

Saudi Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R - Allah be Praised.

Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711 --You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."

Iran Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R. - Allah is Great.

Pause:
Static..

Saudi Air: "ATLANTA ATC - ATLANTA ATC"

Atlanta ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 911?"

Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE. INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE.

Atlanta ATC: Well bless your hearts and praise Jesus. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah "hey" for us -- ya hear?

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

I am a Library Terrorist! Be Afraid!

I am a Library Terrorist! Be Afraid!

Or at least that is how I feel as the scary library ladies look me up and down and then up again. You see, I owe them money. I always owe them money. I think that they are prepared to take a contract out on my head if I do not pay them their money. All $18 of it.

Yes, I know, you have to be rather over due to accrue 18 bucks worth of library fines. You, you old slave driver, probably even think that their ire is rather appropriate. But think about for a minute if you will.

I am a freaking international charter flight attendant who is often out of the country far longer than the allotted 2 weeks. Cut me some god damn slack, already!

I mean really, is it really necessary to glare at me as if I am public enemy number one every time that I enter the library? Can't you just take my cash gracefully and SHUT UP about it?

Screw You! You mean old library lady!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

The ass hole of Satan

I am currently living in the asshole of satan.

How, you ask, could you possibly know that?

Well, let me tell you, it's not exactly something that you can easily misinterpret. Aside from the "welcome to the asshole of satan" sign that hangs just inside the city limits, there are multiple other give aways.

For instance: The heat. It is about ten thousand degrees here. And it is not a dry heat, let me tell you. It is a sticky, stinky, get in between your ears and screw up your wiring sort of heat. It's that sort of a heat that no rain storm relieves. It never cools off! The heat is as constant at 4 in the morning as it is at 2 in the afternoon.

And the airport! I bet you never thought that satan's asshole had an airport, did you? It's horrifying! A tiny building with out door walkways that are 2 miles long to get to baggage claim and the taxi stand. Now, if it wasn't really satan's asshole the air conditioning would most assuredly work properly here and there would be NO outdoor walk ways as it is typically a zillion degrees outside in the summer. But No!

You see, incontrovertible proof that I am indeed in the asshole of satan. And I thought jews didn't go to hell! Well that sucks!

e

Friday, July 06, 2007

Oh, my family. How I love them. Who else would!


From the Left: Baby Monster, Joe, Big Sis Lisa, Midget Slave

Bad, bad, me

I have been a very bad blogger!

I know this. I apologize. Profusely.

The month of June was a gorgeously busy month. It was a month spent traveling all over creation. I spent 10 days in Italy in a tiny cliffside villa in a tiny fishing village on the Amalfi Coast. Then I traveled on a night train to Frankfurt, Germany and flew home to NY. I spent aproxiamtely 36 hours at home with ross and the puppies before heading off to the Bahamas for a weekend of bridesmaid hell.

Bridezilla!!!!!! I'll leave it at that.

And then, home to NY for 2 days and off to Germany for a bit for work. Unfortunately, they sometimes require that I work for my paycheck. I truly and deeply hate them for that.

And worry not, gentle readers, pictures to follow after this weekend!

Thanks for sticking with me!

e