World Airways Commercial from 1985 starring George Burns


Friday, December 16, 2005

Christmas with the fart tornado kids!

God help me! I have invited my teenage niece and nephew and there 5yr old pre- klittle sister over for Christmas sans mama. What in the name of all that is holy does one do to amuse them. These are the children of the infamous fart tornado.

For more info on the infamous liafe changing 'fart tornado' and it's creators please see Birthcontrol: a chronical from their last visit this past July.

Please, God, give Ross the serenity to not commit relativacide, give princess (crazy mutt) the disinterest to keep her from gnawing on the 5yr old, and give me the ability to entertain them all.

Kuwait Taxi Stand

Don't we all just feel happy, now! THis is where all nice Kuwaiti taxi cabs go to find true happiness.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Wine in Ireland and Villas in Kuwait

Is it a crime to drink wine in Ireland instead of the beer? I never thought so. I am back in lovely Ennis and you would think that I had two heads. Or maybe I am just seeing double from all of the lovely wine.

My time in Kuwait was fabulous. Instead of the typical nice hotel room I shared a furnished 4 bedroom oceanside villa with my good chum Shannon. We had dinner on the oceanfront terrace and watched movies on our huge plasma TV. Sometimes it's good to be a queen. Sometimes this job just rocks.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Ah Sweet Release!!!

Ah sweet mother of God!!! That free air sure is swell. I, Erika, am officially released from this very expensive 5 star prison in Frankfurt Germany! Iknow, I know, there are worse places to be imprisoned, but really! Can you afford to live off of the mini bar and room service for 3 days? I thinkI mortgaged my future first born son for some chocolate covered macadamia nuts in a sleeping drug haze last night. Does it count if you were under the influence?

I am released back to the skies as of tomorrow morning. If you love someone let them fly, that´s what I say. As my wings are still clipped for the day I will have to amuse myself hopping about the ground. ButI will not spend another grey Frankfurt day cooped up in my gilded cubby hole. I am off to drink gluwein at the christmas markets and visit a museum. Wait, can´t you die or something by mixing antibiotics with alcohol? Oh well, it will have been worth it. Free at last! Kind of.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The best of plans they go astray

I had such good intentions, really. I was all buffered up and rearing to go last night. A perfectly pharmaceutically enhanced sense of well being. I was ready to get a good nights sleep and take on the world sick or not sick. Health be damned.

I turned out the lights. I didn´t sleep. I gave up. I turned them back on. I did sudoku puzzles. UNTIL 9AM! Then I got tired. Then I slept until 5:30pm. And woke up sick again.

As I said the best of intentions...

Monday, November 28, 2005

Stupid Stupid Stupid

I am stupid stupid stupid. For a smart person that is. I am engrossed in a novel called ´´The Satanic Verses´´by Salman Rushdie. I was scheduled to be headed to the middle east today. Luckily I got sick instead. As my doctor was examining me he looks over and reminds me that they don´t exactly like Rushdie in the Middle East. They have been threatening to kill him for ages, actually. And, this should go without saying to a Jewish middle eastern bound flight attendant, they really don´t much like his books in their countries. Can you say duh?

Sick Sucks in Frankfurt

Hey kids! I am sick in Frankfurt Germany. I am positive it is the dreaded bird flu but my lovely German doctor refuses to agree. He says that it is a boring old upper respiratory infection accompanied by fever and blocked ears. How boring is that!

So, as I am confined to a hotel and have no brand new adventures to share I will tell you a story from last week entitled:

Airplane Pillow Fight: The Thanksgiving 2005 Surprise Attack

Well, that´s it. I highly reccomend engaging in one on your next international flight. And make sure you nail the flight attendant as many times as possible in her cute little noggin.
As this war took place on the way to San Antonio from Ireland with soldiers going home for the holiday, you might think that they would be tired of battle but you would be wrong. They were way into it. I just feel terrible for the aircraft cleaners as the plane was littered with pillow carnage with no surface left untouched. Those pillows, they died for a cause.

Rest In Peace (Piece)

Happy Holidays...

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Cooking Fish in the Bathroom a la Ross

Sunday evening Ross cooked my little sister Gabrielle and I fish in the bathroom. Yes, in the bathroom. He used his "Set it and forget it'' rotisserie. And I must say, it was good. But the bathroom reaked! It smelled, well, like fish. And nine out of ten people would agree that ones bathrrom should never smell like fish. I mean if it was a popular bathrrom smell wouldn't someone bottle it? We would have bathroom fish air freshener and bathroom fish candles. But no, these things do not exist and hopefully never will. And too make matters even odder the fish had eyeballs. Imagine this if you will. A couple of perfect looking red snapper twirling round and round in a stinky metal box in your bathroom. You can pee and marinate dinner all at the same time. It really does bring new meaning to the term multi-tasking and, for that matter, marinating.

Ross is a truly 'special' man. And he makes a mean fish!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Why eat your food when you can play with it's decapitated remains? At the open air market this adorned the top of a food stand. I wonder what they were selling? And where can I get some nifty shades? Posted by Picasa

As I was walking to the open air market in Catania Italy yesterday I was suddenly found myself staring dumbfounded through the window of a store only to be bombarded with this strange display window. And I think that they were selling bathrooms. Who knew about the whole bondage bathroom conection. Posted by Picasa

This is a little number I like to call FLight Attendants Behaving Oddly. 16hrs on an airplane is enough to give anyone a touch of the old crazy. I just arrived in Virginia from Sicily. We stopped along the way to pick up more people in different countries and all in all 16hrs passed. Posted by Picasa

This is the Storm King Gap on the Hudson River as viewed from the public lands across the street from our house. Posted by Picasa

I don't think that you have met my dog yet. Well say hello to Princess! She's crazy and she bites but we still love her. And no, we did not name her. Ross and I would never give a dog such a common name. he prefers Ostinato and I prefer Hurdy Gurdy. Please pity our future children. Posted by Picasa

Monday, October 24, 2005

Lost pictures

Oh where, oh where have my poor lost pictures gone. I potsed you all such pretty pretty pictures and they have up and died. And now I am headed off to Germany and then on to Italy where I will drink copious amounts of lovely wine and try aand answer the age old question, "who makes the better wine?" with loads of lovely gals helping make the findings more ''scientific''. Wish me well.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Ross's New Magic Trick

So kids, I returned late last night from a rocking Germany overnight only to discover that Ross has a new magic trick. It has yet to be named, so I will try my best to describe it to you:

On arrival at the house I wander in to the kitchen looking for munchies. I open the refrigerator and 'HOCUS POCUS' It is empty! Ross has made all of the groceries that I purchased a day or two before departing on a 70 hr trip disappear. He ate a DOZEN eggs, every perishable item, a pack of tortillas, nearly everything in the freezer and two TONS of CHEESE! Where does he put it?

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Polyester Prom Gown

Recently I lost my mind again. The proof of which is in the fact that after flying 8hrs I had the option to stay at a lovely resort on a sandy beach far from the people and their noise. Yet I chose instead to continue on for still another 8hrs completely surrounded by 230 or so soldier and their stinky feet feet. And then I switched to an American Airlines international flight back to the states and a 1hr drive frome NYC home. All in all this proved approximately a 36hr day. And for all 36 of those hours I was clad in that lovely polyester prom gown complete with control top panty hose and high heeled shoes . We flight attendants like to call this our uniform and we often wear it more than we wear any other single piece of our formidable fashion armada. Go figure. And all this to get a home 24hrs early. And all I have been doing since is unpacking. Woo hoo. What a life of glamour.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Our little house is connected to another outbuilding. It ends where the left window ends. We sometimes have horses in the back yard. The dog is all freaked out about the horses. Posted by Picasa

Our new house! (Or more realistically our very old and quirky house.) Posted by Picasa

We Moved

I have been, rather rudely I'll admit, out of touch. Ross and I made an impromptu decision and we moved!!! We found the most amazing little cottage in an amazing community on lands that used to make up a huge farm est. about 1885. We live in one of the original buildings that was originally meant as some sort of caretakers cottage. It looks like an enchanted cottage. But not of the ginger bread house that Hansel and Gretl chose to munch on. Possibly more the sort of place that they did end up being cooked and eaten. Much more realistic maybe.

We have access to lovely old carriage roads and border great state land with hiking trails running thorughout like veins that include a portion of the Appalachian Trail! I am so excited I have given myself gas! I am currently in Lawton Oklahoma getting ready to head out to Ireland but completely homesick for my new little cottage. Okay, I miss Ross too. Wish us well with the unpacking!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Ross is Garlic King!  Posted by Picasa

Mr and Mrs Garlic sitting in their sets of honor at the garlic festival Posted by Picasa

What is that big mousie doing. And why does Ross look so blah? Is he scared of the mousie? Posted by Picasa

Signs adorning a garlic vinegar stand at the Garlic festival in Saugherties NY. Posted by Picasa

Garlic Girl has a hat for every occasion. Truly a fashion savant. Posted by Picasa

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Do Not Strangle The Nuns! I so stole this from check it out! It's a lovely sight. But I'm rather biased as I am bound to love anything to do with nuns. Odd obsession I know. But everybody needs one, right? Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Crazy stories from Los Angeles

Well, friends...Sit back and let me tell you this months crazy story from LA. It involves a beautiful young flight attendant on the eve of her return to work after an amazing three day santa monica layover. After three days of perfect relaxation and shopping therapy I must say that she did look pretty fine with her bouncy hair and well rested skin. But maybe, just maybe, this attention to detail was the seed of her decline. Because, gentle reader, this is a story of woe. Woe I Tell you!

Sorry about that. Jet lag can really kill a girl! But on with the story...

Okay, I am waiting in a random hotel lobby for some tom, dick or Marvin to show up in a van and whisk me away on the 1.5 hr journey from Santa Monica to Riverside so I can start work. I am joining a crew so the rest of those crazies I am to fly with are already in Riverside.

UP pulls Marvin (I like Marvin better than Tom or Dick, don"T you?) to the front door to load my bags into the van. And upon spotting me he calls out loudly across a foyer "Is that your real color? Or you got some fake tan on." As far as I know this is not the standard greeting but maybe I missed that memo. I just get in and buckle up.

As the van pulls away from the hotel I immediately call my boyfriend, as I am soon to leave the country for a week or more and something about that makes him a little squirrelly sometimes. It serves a dual purpose as I am trying out a new thing out on him. The technique consists of annoying him so much on the phone that he will come to view my leaving as a reprieve rather than an annoyance. Very mature, I know. You should try it. It's almost Pavlovian.

After about a half hour of this Marvin (remember that van driver) starts to cackle oddly and suddenly shouts out "Do you ever get scared alone in vans with strange drivers? I bet that you don't even know where you are. I could bring you anywhere and you couldn't stop me." He punctuates this with more cackling and an audible fart. This is where I say good night to Ross as I a want to have my phone free to dial 911.

He right. I never checked his ID. I don't know the plate number and I have no idea where the hell I am. This Sucks!

This is where traffic clears up a bit and Marvin turns into a speed racer. He driving approximately 3000 miles an hour and dodging around semis and other motorists with a meth like fearlessness that is altogether far too frightening. He obviously senses my fear as he calls out "Don't be scared! I drive like this all the time and I ain't gotten a moving violation yet. And I ain't gettin one today!"

At this I immediately start to wonder to what lengths he would go to avoid getting that elusive moving violation. Does this freak show have a gun under his seat? This is LA.

I'm pretty sure that I am going to die, in any event. He is either going to kill me with his driving or cut me up into little pieces and feed me to his dogs.

Surprisingly enough I did finally arrive at my intended location in one piece (versus the many I had feared). And so I am here to tell you the crazy LA story of the month.


Tuesday, September 13, 2005

insane ross quote of the week

On my arrival into LAX from Japan a few days ago I called Ross. In the hotel van. What can I say, I was eager. My lovely boyfriend is getting fat. So am I. He said it. I hollered. In his defense, he said that his implying that I am too heavy to lift was more a statement about his out of shape physique then the size of my ass, but we all know how I heard it. I pissed and moaned a bit and finally told Ross that he had to buy me a present to make up for having been such an ass. He refused. I told him to make me one then. I'm not so picky. I just love presents. To which he responded:

"The only thing I'm making is carbon dioxide and poop!"

And this, my friends has been an 'insane Ross quote of the week'

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

When Soju Attacks

Ugh!!!! I am so hungover I could die. Soju has given me a frightful wakeup. For those who don`t know of it it`s a Korean unregulated grain liquor that mixes pleasantly with whatever you put in it. But sweet mother of God! It hurts the next day. Wish me well at work, kids. If you see me on an airplane take pity.

drunk in korea

I am drunk in korea. I love Soju. Only in Korea can you order a drink that comes with koolaid and it be considered normal. I love koolaid. Not really. Only if it comes with Soju. I love it even more if it is a shot and it glows green under a blacklight. Only in Korea.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Scandalous Library Visit.

Here's a tip. When visiting your local library to request books from inter library loan. Don't request these books: Erica Jong - Fear of Flying, Maarten Troost - Sex lives of Cannibals, Hollis Gillespie - Bleachy Haired Honky Bitch, Hollis Gillespie - Confessions of a Recovering Slut. Trust me on this. Just don't do it.

The little old man librarian that took my request was simply appalled. There are hardly words. Being old, and slightly deaf, he made me repeat each of these requests about three separate times and then repeated each one back to me in disbelief. As each of these books magically appeared on his computer screen he would laugh shake his head at me and repeat the title yet again. As early evening library rush hour has begun and there are now three mothers with young children standing behind me you can imagine that they did not find it all so amusing. I heard one child ask "What's a honky?"

In retrospect I guess that I could have written these titles down and passed the dear little old man the paper across the desk. But where's the story in that. Yes, I am always looking out for my readers.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Julie and Me on the Homer Spit Posted by Picasa

Me in Seward Posted by Picasa

Julie in Seward Posted by Picasa

Chicken Penny ...Tentiary on the road to Miller's Landing in Seward Posted by Picasa

View from outside the Seward Waterfront B&B Posted by Picasa

Dumpster words of wisdom in Seward  Posted by Picasa

Kenai Peninsula Posted by Picasa

Clouds over the Kenai River Posted by Picasa

Salmon spawning in the Kenai River (I think) Posted by Picasa

Weird litttle rode man on the road to Homer ouside of a fair Posted by Picasa

Self Portrait in the car Posted by Picasa