World Airways Commercial from 1985 starring George Burns


Wednesday, February 20, 2008


A man and his wife were having an argument about who

should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,

and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and

you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says


Friday, February 15, 2008

School is Cool

I just finished my first knitting class with
this enormous older german woman named cindy. She's tall. It's all a bit overwhelming until you get used to it. She is teaching me how to make a really ugly scarf. I am talking ugly. When I told her that I wanted to learn to knit a really ugly scarf she looked at me like I was mad. She later asked if I was on drugs. That's when we bonded. Cindy and I are tight. That's because we are both very dedicated to knitting.

After I finish my scarf I am moving on to bigger and badder things. I have decided to knit the apocalypse. I know that myth usually involves more weaving and/or spinning (whatever that is) but I'm a modern girl and knitting just seems faster. And really, who the hell knows how to weave?

I'm sure it's rather obvious to you at this point that I am so hopped up on coffee
and ill will towards all man kind that I can hardly see straight. Cindy says that the knitting will either cure me and calm me or drive me "absolutely postal." Isn't she cute?

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Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Large Ass

Dear fans,

I am sad to report that no longer respects my ass. I am no longer anywhere among the top pages of in the search for "large ass." Has my ass shrunk? Not that I am aware of. Damn you

You are breaking my heart.

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Tuesday, February 05, 2008

I am just so damned proud!

It has come to my attention that a huge majority of web surfers make it to my site via search engines. This, in and of itself, is not so much of a surprise. The part I find a shade bizarre is what they are searching for.

I am proud to tell you that is a wonderful referrer. Unfortunately, who they refer are people searching for, get this a "large ass." No, you didn't misread. Try it. Click on over to and type in "large ass," and there I am 5th or so from the top! A few sites beneath and

I am just so proud!

Google, those bastards, don't even have me in the top million.

I owe all my blog traffic to my very large ass! I knew one day that it would make me proud!

I would like to take a minute to thank all of you perverts over at for being the glue that holds my ass (oops, I meant blog) together. Never change.


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Square America Snapshots

Square America Snaps

I am just a little bit in love with this site. Please Check it out!

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Things to tell your doctor during your colonoscopy

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

12 . "God, now I know why I am not gay."

And the best one of all..

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"

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