World Airways Commercial from 1985 starring George Burns


Friday, November 10, 2006

How To Cook A Squirrel

For a New Yorker vegetarian (more or less) I must
admit that I have a truly weird and wonderful fixation
with squirrel recipes. It's inexplicable, really.
If you, too are plagued with inexplicable weirdness

Bon Apetit!

Squirrel Puree - anonymous

(great for ol' timers with no teeth)
Take a blender and a squirrel
Put squirrel in blend
Switch blender on
Blend until smoth
Serve and enjoy

Come to Jesus Organic Squirrel - anonymous

Shoot the squirrel that's been climbing on your bird
feeder. Feel slightly bad. Skin and remove innards.
Snap off squirrel hands-n-feet and keep them for key
chains, good luck charms, or run them down the
disposal. Keep disposal running... eventually they go
down. Clean, and soak squirrel in 6 dollar a gallon
organic milk overnight. Rinse, quarter, flash fry with
shallots and garlic. Season with rosemary and salt
place in oven at 350 for 35 minutes. Eat. Feel
connected to the cycle of life.

"Eat more squirrel." TS Elliot

Skwerl Avec Toothpaste - anonymous

1 skwerl (live if possible)
1 bottle orange soda
3 tablespoons peanut butter
1 coconut (whole)
1lb noodles (any)(uncooked)
toothpaste as garnish
TT cinnamon, lifesavers, pepperoni, and anchovies

add all ingredients together in stock pot, bring to
boil and keep boiling... serve in cardboard boxes and
eat on the bathroom floor along with the people who
live in your neighbors basement. enjoy!!

Slow Baked Mastadon Skwerl - Mr. Hammeroni

For this one, you will need a VERY large skwerl. At
least two or three hundred pounds or so.

Get in your time machine. Set the little digital
thingy for six million years BC. Trap one bushy-tail
sabertooth- muscle bound mastadon skwerl. Avoid
getting eaten by the skwerl.

Bring the skwerl back to the good old twenty-first
century, or maybe it will bring you.. Dig a
fifteen-foot hole. Add in order:

- Two cords of wood
- Five gallons of kerosene.
- Light the wood.
- Partially cover the fire with ten or twenty large
rocks, to absorb the heat and slowly cook the monster.
- Soak the beast in five gallons of barbecue sauce,
one cup of cayenne pepper, and a half a pound of salt.
Salt is optional. Wrap in ten layers of banana leaves.
- Place prepared skwerl on the now hot rocks, and
cover the hole with as many other large rocks as you
can find.
- Dig it up in about a week, it should be nice and

World Salvation Skwerl - anonymous

Catch as many squirrels as possible... how you do
this. peanut butter in a microwave. wen they enter the
microwave start to microwave the squirrel. put it on
for at least 7 minutes 30 seconds. by this time the
squirrle should have no fur and his skin should be
bubbling. this is only the warning. if you put it on
for another minute or so you can blow it up and you
got instant chinese food as well as saveing the world.

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