Ross is weird. I know that I say this rather often, but he is! It's not my fault that Ross is weird, really.
Lately, he has developed a very odd obsession. He is always trying to cook the salad. I have asked him repeatedly not to do this as I want to eat the salad and it tastes truly disgusting. But he will not be swayed. It seems every time that I come back into the house after a short absence he is holding the salad bowl over a pot filled with eggs and any other type of savory he can get his oven mitts on. Have you ever tried cooked salad? Not so lovely, I promise. According to Ross it is the perfect accoutrement for any meal. If you ever meet Ross and he offers to cook for you, please politely decline and go to a restaurant instead. You'll thank me. I promise.
p.s. trust me on the not cooking salad thing!