World Airways Commercial from 1985 starring George Burns


Saturday, December 09, 2006

I am concussed, I say!

I am concussed, I say!

Yes, it is true. Many are the perils of physical fitness! Especially when you are me or have the grace of me. Which is to say, none. I admit it. I am totally graceless. If I were a super hero I would be 'Destructo the benign!' Benign because I only seem to injure myself in my many adventures and so pose no dangers to the world around me.

For example: Today, while jogging 'Destructo the Benign' managed to remove 2 minutes from her jogging time! She was quick! Not unlike painfully slow moving lightning. But then, with the end in sight Boom! Crash! Slide! Down, Destructo goes. Hard! Like an elephant suddenly and inexplicably without legs. She gallantly lifts herself up and limps on home to the 'Destructo Lair' to nurse her wounds only to realize that she can't exactly see straight and that she has a lump on her left eye brow bone the size of a turtle. And her head, it hurts like hell! She sighs as she puts a bag of magic frozen cranberries on her head and calls her daddy for moral support.

Once again 'Destructo the Benign' has wreaked her own special brand of specialness on the world. She's destroying herself one running injury at a time to teach the world about the perils of physical fitness. She hurts, so you don't have to! Yes, gentle inhabitants of the natural world, it is all for you. And it's all just another day's work for 'Destructo the Benign.'


Dear readers, the author is not responsible for any words in this blog entry as she is concussed and has a very bad headache and is not allowed to sleep. And she has a big bump over her left eye and looks pretty damn stupid. Really isn't fair you know...

1 comment:

Dan Sullivan said...

You could be one of the mystery men!

If you are, could you pass on my number to Janeane Garofalo?