World Airways Commercial from 1985 starring George Burns

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Thursday, December 28, 2006

Special people Create Special posters!!!

Special people Create Special Posters!!!

This, of course, is what my 14 year old niece is
learning in student government. Isn’t that special?
And awesomely relevant to day to day life, I’m sure.
I bet that you didn’t know that.

Are you special? Because I am feeling special. That
is, if a murderous rage tempered only by a vague sort
of ennui can be truly considered special. My job is
driving me crazy! And this truly is an accomplishment
as I never even seem to work. My dad, he knows so
much about job insanity, he told me that all jobs are
like this. If this is so, I am ready for retirement.
Call me crazy, but I still believe that your job
should not suck the very life out of you and leave you
an empty, trembling husk of flaky skin and halitosis.

Somebody, find me a job!

According to and oh so effectively made poster that my
niece owns about, what else, effective poster making
for special people and posters or some such silliness:
And based on the fact that we have all already decided
that I more than likely fill the basic requirements
for specialness I think that we should explore the
other tenets of the special poster people making
bible. Whew! That was a mouthful.

Here goes:

Tenet number one: Attract attention.

I can do that. I have BIG BOOBS! They attract
attention. My niece is equal parts horrified and
mesmerized by them. They frighten her.

MOVING ON

Tenet number two: Hold a Viewers interest

This, too I think that the boobs cover. Okay, maybe
not. But I do tend to say insane things to strangers.
And often, they are horrified and oddly mesmerized
waiting to see what sort of debauched blasphemy will
pore out next. And, this, my friends, holds a persons
interest. I am sure of it.

Tenet number three: Create a memory

Hm. I do tend to go to wild parties in foreign
countries and take lots of crazy pictures of my
girlfriends. Aren’t pictures of nights that were
probably better forgotten really just memories for all
the world to see? And besides, if I didn’t put of
those pictures of my friends and I then I would never
have experienced the joys of a conversation with my
dad the highlights of which were his asking me if I
might be gay. Trust me, you haven’t truly bonded with
your daddy until you have sat at a bowling alley diner
and been asked if you are gay.
(the answer is, unfortunately, no in case you too are
wondering)

See! Right now, you and I dear reader, we are creating
a memory.

Memories! CHECK!

Tenet number four: Urge Action of a Viewer

Okay, viewer, I URGE you to FIND ME A NEW JOB. One
that doesn’t regularly leave me curled up in a ball in
a dirty corner eating my own hair and murmuring
unintelligible obscenities at colorful bits of free
form pocket lint.

Okay. I think that I have met all the required tenets
of special poster making people specialness. And I
want you to know, that I don’t’ feel any better. All
of this work none of the glory.

In conclusion, I think that we have proved
conclusively one: that work sucks. Two: posters suck.
And three: I am NOT GAY.

Peace out homies!

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