Large Ass

It has come to my attention that I have a really large ass. We are talking an ass off collosal proportions, here. I guess this comes as no real surprise to those who know me well. But I must say, it often comes as a rude shock to me.

Okay, I am done bitching. As you lovely ladies out there can probably guess, I have been jeans shopping again. Actually, I have been jeans shopping rather consistently for nearly 2 straight months! I AM SO SICK OF SHOPPING FOR JEANS!!!

Always, I have unexpectedly found a new favorite pair ay exactly the right moment that my older favorite pair was falling to shreads around my ankles. This works for me, it really does. I don't like making decisions. For instance, my current favorite pair happened to already be waiting for me in a consignmrnt shop in Santa Monica just off the promenade. I wasn't even looking for jeans! Some girl had tried them on for herself and left them discarded over a rickety old chair in the dressing room.

I guess her ass was just too small for them. (God, I love saying that!)

But those lovely dark wash, low rise, boot cut, well worn, masterpieces of denim artistry have more holes than swiss cheese. Even their patches need patches, for god's sake!

What is an international flight attendant girl to do? Jeans are, undoubtedly, the most important part of my packing regimin. One pair must be perfect for every occasion! They must dress up well, they have to know how to slum with the best of em.

Help me, please! My legs are lonely and cold. It's just too damn cold out for dresses!

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things that ross doesn't know about ross

I would like to devote this post to things that Ross doesn't know about Ross: Or more correctly, things that Ross doesn't know about his date and/or month of birth, which happens to be February 14th. Yes, he is my funny valentine.

Thing 1: Ross is really rather lucky. Not only is his birthday Valentines day, but more importantly it is both Ferris Wheel Day and National Heart to Heart Day. Screw Valentines Day! Who needs it? Not Ross, that's for sure!

I have to assume that someone somewhere cares about either of these holidays. I, unfortunately, do not.

Thing 2: February is also National Grapefruit Month. Why is it called a grapefruit anyways. It is not a grape, not at all., I am confused. But Ross, he is most certainly a fruit.

Thing 3: Oh, don't you go forgetting National Snack Food Month. No, this would not do. Certainly not!

Thing 4: Oh, let us not forget National Canned Food Month! Where would we be without that. This might go a long way in explaining Ross's obscene addiction to Chef Boyardee food like products. I mean, why else would anyone eat that dog food smelling sodium paste shit. Yes, I see, I see. Hm. Maybe now I can begin to forgive. Or, maybe not. I mean, ahev you smelled that shit? Sardines, these I can forgive. But Chef Boyardee? I think not!

Yes, this post is a product of extreme jet lag. I make no apologies.

Peace out.

e

Leipzig, Germany

Dear Daddy,

I am at a gay bar in leipzig Germany. Yes, daddy, it is a gay bar. And yes, daddy, I am still not gay. A gay bar with email, no less. How cool is technology, right? Did you know that I look good in a studded collar? I really do, daddy! But I am still not gay. I am just going to hell.

I'm okay with that.

I expect that that the music is fab.

And god knows that christian music is horrifyingly bad.

I hope that you are okay with this.

I still love you. I hope you still love me. Even though I am most assuredly going to hell.

e

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